As a data-driven analyst steeped in New York’s analytical tradition, I’ve parsed 13 match logs from Helsing and Jukka—a season defined not by emotion, but by expected goals and defensive decay. This isn’t hype. It’s Bayesian probability meeting ice-cold efficiency. Helsing’s offense collapsed under pressure; Jukka’s counter thrived on turnover. The court doesn’t care about your feelings—it cares about your model.