As a data analyst who's spent five years modeling player performance with Bayesian frameworks, I’ve seen nothing like this: Lionel Messi’s arrival in MLS didn’t just boost ticket sales—it rewrote the entire economics of American soccer. In 2023, Miami International drew 11,461,409 fans—a 15% jump from 2021 and a 6% jump from 2022—while Apple TV added 300K new subscribers in his debut month. This isn’t luck. It’s regression analysis meets cultural gravity.